Sunday, July 10, 2011
Yup Still Drunk
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Yup Niggas Is Still Drunk
10:29 on a Saturday morning and I'm drunk as fuck. Got home at 7ish because I had a few with my neighbor as I was coming home. No comment for last night LMAO I ain't speaking on anything that went down. But fuck it feels good to be drunk in broad daylight. Tired of people asking bout my girlfriend too I aint got one, broke up. She was acting strange and shit I couldn't handle it. Here's why my relationship fell apart for all you bum ass niggas that are dying to know:
I went away for the weekend, told her I was going though. For starters she asked a mutual friend where I was at. Weird no, especially when I told you but fine. I get back and notice she ain't around. I'm thinking oh maybe she doing something for the 4th of July weekend I don't know. But after a few days I'm like let me hit her up. Yo, as SOON as I hit her up like 1 minute after she's online. I'm thinking this is weird lmao. But I chilled. She's acting weird, in my head I'm trying to piece it together thinking she is probably having sex with some dude. But then I thought nah I don't trust people enough that ain't the case. We talk for a bit and it's completely off. So I ask the mutual friend if she notices that she's strange. Fuck yes was the answer. Then she like attacks the mutual friend. There's more to this though.
Over time I was getting closer to the mutual friend. This shit is like cars niggas. You get a Toyota Prius for $800 but over time you get a Range Rover for $800. The fuck you going to take????? That ain't a knock on her either but she had too much on her plate and the other girl just had me on her plate. HAHAHAHA nah but through the other girl, I was noticing things that my then-girlfriend couldn't do. For example: Lets say you got herpes. You go to the doctor, doctor tells you it's the flu. You go back everytime and you get the same answer. After a while it's like what the fuck. Chick didn't know me, to her credit she stood by me a lot but after a while it's like whoa, it feels good to get real answers.
But I chilled some more. I was holding back from my then-girlfriend too, there wasn't a solution. But the kicker was she got mad at that "question" about if she was paralyzed would I leave. There was no coming back from that. In my eyes she had no right to get upset, hurt, mad whatever you want to call it, the laughs stopped after that and tension amounted. So I told her she was looking out for her own interests in a lot of shit and we should dead it. I fucking regret calling her a retard that shit hurt me cause she was devastated by that. She was being a semi-retard though but it's one of those moments I should have kept my mouth shut. Anyways, she said she was going to shower. I know she was heading to NJ for "a day or two" it's now been 5 so I think she either dead or gone for good. *shrugs*
Friday, July 8, 2011
This Weekend Survival Tips: Guest Additions from Cheeba
By Sunday I'm certain me and the homie Master Cheeba will end up like the two dudes in today's pictures. Like he once called me and told me "We just can't be friends" We end up getting shitfaced and doing crazy shit, most of it we don't even remember. But we do that shit while sober as well, like eating flowers and shit. I've been intrigued with the concept of eating flowers for a while, I researched that shit and the health benefits are insane. He has a Masters in this shit so we going to go out and eat flowers. But before that we're getting shitfaced on Friday and probably Saturday. Here is the survival guide we came up with so we don't die or have problems like we have had in the past (he added some of this):
- No debit/credit card, straight cash and many tokens. (This one is necessary. I lost money recently and I don't know where it went. I also had my identity stolen or some shit and some fuck bought a plane ticket on my credit card. He lost all sorts of shit in the past, carry as little as possible)
-If you hook up with an Asian girl, pat her down before to make sure she ain't got no dick. (Apparently we'll be in Little Korea tomorrow, so this is also necessary)
-Carry $1.56 for honey buns.
-The following songs cannot be played this weekend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAfrhmIvZ_s&feature=relmfu: or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jNyr6BJZuI or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ITLNzPoEqs or best song ever cause we tear the club up .
-No blacking out. Nah if we can't handle it anymore we leaving that shit on the fucking table.
-Bouncers are our friends this weekend, we ain't getting tossed from anywhere.
-No yelling Drake Sucks before midnight.
-Don't give any attention to chinks on the bus, we know how it ended up last time.
-Cockney accents are our friends.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The World Is Weird
A while back before I started this blog I just used to hang in the house and eat Cheetos, smoke weed, watch Dawson's Creek, listen to DMX and spend $25 a day playing shitty pro-line parlays. How much pussy could you get with a life like that? But I found a nice girl, we lasted a month before I kinda got bored. But she's fucking dependent, or was. We still talk and everything but somehow she thought I'd stay with her forever. I don't get how she could be mad either, to this date. For example, I gave her a nice little ring once as a gift. Truth is, I stole it back in the day. If I wanted to I could have pawned it for a few 50s but she is a nice person so I sent it her way then told her I took out a line of credit for it so she'd blow me good. She believed me, I WAS 18 FUCKING years old how could I take out a line of credit. Anyways the other day she brought up the ring and I'm like "oh ya I stole it" and she got mad and shit. Like what the fuck? Still a kind hearted person though.
But ya we talk now and then because she's kind of clingy, I don't know why but she is. I know she didn't have anyone til recently but as time went on I wanted her to leave me alone. She finally found someone. So I'm happy beyond belief and shit, like finally we could still talk but I don't need to hear you cry once a week about how you hate your life. So she has a man and is happy from what I gather and at first I didn't care but she randomly sent a youtube link. I watched and I thought what the fuck is this. She tells me that's her man. The dude was doing something on a Piano, like a composition or something. In my head I'm thinking what a faggot but I can't say that because then she'll believe I'm jealous when in fact I'm just calling a spade a spade.
She went on her first date the other day and was telling me how much she liked him. So I'm trying to be nice: "Wow, keep this guy." She's trying to tell me how he's finishing up at McGill and shit and I'm saying " so what, keep him he's good for you I bet." I'm trying to be nice by asking what they did on their date: "Oh we went to the mall, walked, then we went to an empty parking lot and did things and we rimmed each other and cuddled." Blank Fuckin Stare. That's how she is but I don't know ANY dude in the world that isn't a crackhead that would eat ass on the first date, is that what people are doing now a days? In my head I'm thinking dude has to be a virgin.
So I facebook stalk and of course, this dude definitely a virgin. But once again I'm not trying to hate cause then she'll turn it around on me, I'm just calling it like I see it. You got piano compositions on youtube. You eat ass on the first date. But he also just seemed strange like he had pics of his video games and cuddling on other dudes and shit. I'm trying to get her to stay with him so she doesn't have to harass me all the time but I'm thinking what the fuck is this. So I ask her, what do y'all have in common. She tells me: He loves me because I could relate to him. He tells me how humans are the most complex species in the world and we have so much to do. Like the world is big and the universe is big and complex and there is the ability to sustain other forms of life. I don't know why I didn't say I had to go then and there but I asked her: "Oh so y'all talk about aliens." Her response: Not just aliens, like science and he wants to do music but his capabilities and the world won't allow it so he has music and science in his system and it's something that is interchangeable.
From the bottom of my heart,I wish y'all the best. I'm out, peace.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The Annual 2011 What Does The Box Taste Like Event
I've been trying to switch my life up the last little while. Get in more touch with my own reality and trying to find everything that makes me happy. In order to do this you have to get out of your enclosed cage and do weird shit like go on nature walks. My boy calls em Nature Walks, I call em the hunt for magic mushrooms and weed stashes. So me and dude are walking by the river the other day (fuck he's right, this shit sounds mad gay) and we're looking at graffiti and there's this really different smell, that nature fresh air smell.
So I tell him I want to try box that smells like this, some backpacking nature girl type of vagina. Then it hit me, vagina differs by regionalism among other factors. No two vaginas are ever alike. Some are like apricots, mangos, Perrier water and shit then others are like burnt toast and olives. Looking at the law of averages ( I don't know what this means but it sounds good) there must be some girls I talk to that have nasty box and shit. So I came up with the idea. Girls, y'all have tried your vagina I'm sure of it. You know when y'all masturbate and it gets real wet you lick your fingers. Tell your man what it tastes like.
Just go up to him and say: "banana." Shit happened me today, I was telling a friend about the event and a few hours later she hit me up with a message: "blueberries." Then when I said I didn't like blueberries she got mad, but I fuck with blueberry pie so it's all good. Anyways, ladies try the box and let your dude know what it tastes like. If you have no dude then hit up my inbox or phone and send the answer, we spreading this movement. Guys ask your girls (NOT DAUGHTER) but significant others for the answer. Also, if your box tastes like the following: strawberry starburst, popeyes biscuits, Krispe Kreme Donuts, Southwestern sauce, Ranch dressing, Lifesavers or french fries, please get back to me asap!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The Most Stupid Weekend Ever
I just kicked my laptop because my mom gave away some shit I bought. Well that and I had a shitty day, this shit might not post, you should hear this fan on the computer going crazy. I got behavioral issues smh. I also lost a bet and have to post how much I love Canada so there you have it, I love Canada. Anti climatic.
Fucked up weekend and I'm too tired to post everything so I'll just point form this shit.
-Cashed in on the casino in Niagara.
-Woke up Friday morning in a bar in Brookpark, Ohio. I forgot how I got there and I woke up next to a 40 year old bartender and my white tee was covered in puke while she was laying in hers. Had to bin that shit and make a walmart run. Took about 40 minutes for me to register that I was driven to Ohio for the strip club.
-Pool party in Parma, Ohio was off the fuckin chain. Shout out to my blog "fans" who I randomly call and tell them I'm showing up in 3 hours.
-Today is the first day I been sober since Thursday. You know it's bad when you have to promise someone you ain't going to down a bottle of wine and promise to head to bed lmao.
-Fireworks is for the faggots. Promised someone I'd go to that shit. Only white people and people who wear sweater vests go to see fireworks.
-Got in a fight with someone in another car. I was in the passenger seat and we yelled something at him because he was driving like a bitchass. Dude follows us then asks us who we were talking to. "You" was the response. Then he asked me who I was looking at. That's when I fucking lost it but dude ain't bout that "take the seatbelt off and lets squaredance" life. Instead he made a safe right turn and got the fuck out of the way.
-My boy mentions how is brother is a "snowman" right in front of the cop. SMH. (if you don't know what a snowman is, urban dictionary that shit)
- I went to a Ribfest just so I could hit the beer tent. Then Foreskin my boy says he'd smash a dirty ass Tamil LMAO.
-I'm surprised I gained money this weekend. But I drunk deposited that shit. My bank account is looking fucking nice maybe I won more than I thought I did or maybe I ain't hit the right buttons. Who knows.
-A chick invited me to spend a few days in a Truck stop where she is residing. Can't make this shit up. (don't shoot me haha I'm playin)
- I couldn't walk for a few days because I fucked up my foot. Suddenly I heard a pop and all is well with the world again, life is fucked.
I need y'all to do me a fave (sounds like I'm running a fucking church these days lmao) My homie Chris got bad aids (hodgkins lymphoma). Rest assured he'll kick this bitch ass shit in the ass but keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Have a safe and blessed 4th of July to everyone celebrating down south. I'm out, peace.
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