Random Ass shit.

Too tired to have a proper blog, today drained me and I'll be up til 5 because I fucked up a sports article that I need to fix, that shit I do for other sites will come to a crashing halt in less than 2 months, oh well. 

So time for some more random ass shit while I procrastinate.

- To the person who is dreaming about Popeyes right now, actually I see you on stalkbook but I wont' bother you. Wait I just stalked you why the fuck is that tee in your display pic. Fuck my life, repulsive. Anyways you're sexy, beautiful  and I'd beat it up for days, so long as I get some head and high resolution..... Oh fuck I'm going to tell you this now was saving it but you should hear this, I went to get your birthday present a few weeks ago before this weekend shit went down so I'd know I have enough loot for your sexy ass. So it involves being in the Mac store cause I haven't met a girl who hates Mac. Anyway but I forget your white and the people I usually shop for looks like the Mac employee so she's asking me how do you look like so she could pick up stuff that would suit you. Thankfully I knew where to find a picture (not the ones you sent me but proper pics :) Her first question: " Is that your girl?? and she proceed to blankstare" then she said you were hot. I think she was a lesbian. Dead ass serious. 

- My dad was asking me why I didn't vote so I was asking him why he did. He gave me this "change the world" nonsense. I asked him to name me 10 things that Stephen Harper stands for. He's like sure.  " he cares about businesses." He couldn't name another. This nigga fixes photocopiers for a living he's not a fucking business owner hahahaahhaha.

- My mom sent me an email today, on Tuesday, telling me about how she wants to eat a Roti on Friday and if I could pick her up one. What the fuck? 

- So a few weeks ago I asked someone how much would it take for him to fuck a girl that we both know. She uglier than Bin Laden. My boy tells me $200. Then when I say "that's disgusting" then he asks me to think about it. I do and come to the realization I'd do just about anything for 2 bills. That's changed, for those of you that know who I'm talking about, I saw Angie this past weekend. Nothing less than 5 bills man, nothing.

- Kevin Durant is one of the toughest NBA players out there.

- Today was the first day in years that I watched Law and Order, shit is amazing. 

- Will Ferrell on the Office is like putting nutella on an entree. The shit just don't go together and looks like ass. 

- Ace of Base need to come out with another album.

- I miss movies like Lethal Weapon, Police Academy and Coming to America. Fuck nothing will ever top Coming to America on the comedic level.

- Fuck I really want to release a clip of shorty singing but I'm not willing to miss my sex sessions.

Alright it's 12:30 and I'll be up til 5 at the very least, peace.

Fuck this Election Shit

I was going to keep my mouth shut because I don't believe democracy exists and I don't care if others vote but I'm tired of seeing this shit on my tv. For those that don't know, we had some gay ass election in Canada. Not that it matters, after NAFTA came into effect nothing else really matters cause we were always going to ride the dicks of the Americans but I'm tired of hearing about the civil responsibility and blah blah blah. The only time I ever voted was for Rob Ford because he appeared to combat economic manipulation but he turned out to be a fat fucking cocksucker like everyone else. The only other person I'd ever vote for in this world is the President of Argentina. Who the fuck cares what she does, look at her she's fucking hot. The day I vote is the day one of these rich lying motherfuckers address my concerns, these ones: 

1) Privatize alcohol, the LCBO are making sales well over 8 billion these days. We're paying too much for this shit, I never cared for selection and none of that shit, I want it to be like Columbus fucking Ohio. Where I walk into a bar, get shit faced, look at the tab and it says $22.50, food including. Fuck the LCBO and fuck the amount of money I spend because the government forces me to.

2) Allow for drinking in public. Everytime I go to any event in this country and don't feel like paying the $8.50 to buy alcohol in a stadium, I end up chugging beers in the Union Station bathroom. Prisoner in my own conutry, fuck that. 

3) Allow for prostitution. Truth be told this shit should be legal everywhere. Not because I care because I don't bang them, but what one person chooses to do with THEIR body should be their choice. They aren't harming anyone but spreading their legs (unless they knowingly give an STD) let heauxs be heaux (it's principle) 

4) Allow for this the shit that cures cancer to hit the shelves. It's been proven numerous times, speed up the motherfucking process. 

5) Give them niggas a chance. Right now 50% of black males in Toronto drop out of highschool. Then they do dumb shit like steal from 7/11s and shoot guns. Place emphasis on finding jobs for those that graduate with some sort of post-secondary education and you'd get a lot more productivity.

6) Drop the taxes. I don't care what the fuck you do with that money, when that G20 shit came around y'all spent $828228282829229 to suck Obama's dick for 2 days. Fuck that, stop taxing us.

7) Regulate these bullshit cable companies. Right now my bandwidth is capped at 60 gigs for no real reason. Then I have to regulate how much episodes of the OC or sports streams I watch a day. That shit ain't right, it costs them very little for this bandwidth crap and I have to pay dearly for long skype-sex options? Get the fuck out here. 

8) Drop them taxes at the border too. It costs Canadians on average 20% more for the same motherfucking goods than it would someone in the states. Pure fuckery. Stop that shit, either drop the prices in Canada or let us shop freely in the States, I ain't about that whole "protecting the industry" nonsense.

9) Cut that bullshit CRTC regulation crap. I want motherfucking ESPN I'm tired of curling and horseback riding on these motherfucking channels.

10) Stop giving welfare. Adopt the American "food stamp" system so these leeches won't starve but cut out welfare, it's fucking useless because black people take it to buy Jordans and Slap-Chops because it looked cool on tv. 

11) Stop with the peacekeeping missions. It didn't work in Afghanistan, it didn't work during the Suez crisis and it didn't work in Congo. Stop trying to help others and start helping your motherfucking own people. Stop wasting money on that dumb shit. 

12) Become friends with that nigga from Venezuela, Chavez. In the 80s, Trudeau used to fuck with Castro, even though Castro couldn't offer shit. Chavez got Venezuelans paying 20 cents for gas and we're out here paying $1.28 a liter because Obama pissed off OPEC. Fuck that, lets suck the dicks of OPEC (no homo) and start paying nothing for gas, we got enough oil and shit to last us the next 2828721 years, lets stop settling for this crap. 

13) Start charging the religious institutions tax. They got niggas in the Vatican in Versace and Prada robes and shit. They collecting that money from every church, everywhere. Implement a rule where they pay tax like everyone else.

14) Revive Niagara Falls. Niagara hasn't been shit for like 15 years. I'm thinking they should make that like a proper North American red Light district. See here's the thought process. Americans can't drink til 21, we can start drinking at 19, 18 in Quebec. That's a lot of loot you could get if you had a place for the college. Make Niagara Falls a place for Heaux, gambling, weed, cheap alcohol and give it a little make-over. Those college kids would be over here from the Manufacturing Belt every weekend giving money to the economy. Capitalize on thirsty white people.

15) Raise the voting age to 25. You really trust a kid who got Justin Bieber and Ke$ha on his IPOD dictating who the next leader of your country is?

16) Stop giving money to art. All them art people need is a fucking paint brush and paint. You could get that at Walmart for $19.95. Yet the govt gives these people thousands to create. Fuck that, let them work a 9-5 like everyone else and do that shit on their spare time, cause this blog is art and I ain't getting shit so fuck them. 

17) Automatic life sentences for anyone that is involved in a murder, rape, or crimes involving children. Fuck that 5-10 years they give you here, nothing under 25 years for those cocksuckers.

18) Legalize weed. I don't care about this one but the type of money it would bring in...insane. Everybody would pay $12-14 a gram if it were that BC grown shit. Trust me that West coast weed is worth the extra loot.

19) Regulate this free health care nonsense. The fact that it's free, allows for people to run to the hospital for cuts and bruises. Fix this but charging a certain amount of money for a visit. Let's say $35 per hospital/doctor visit that isn't a re-occuring problem. So if you have the common cold or the flu or an arm sprain, your ass should be paying to waste a doctor's time and the government loot. 

20) Start giving away free land. Advertise this all over the world. Open up the Prairies and parts of the Atlantic. Canada is the second biggest place in the world. Yet only 33 million people live here and like 8 million of those live in Southern Ontario. That means you have plenty of land that's just wasting. Start giving away the land in Saskatchewan and Winnipeg but make sure it's used for agriculture or some shit. In other words, give the land away but make sure the people who are on it, aren't sitting at home watching reruns of " In the Heat of the night" like I do. 

I'm out, peace.

Amazing Weekend.

Before I start today's long blog I want y'all to know something. When a black person stops getting your money, or has enough money to make it, they have no problem telling you to fuck out. Case and point: This weekend we tried to hit a bar, one that I attended steady for the better half of 3 years. So I got sick of their recycled beer and bitchy attitude everytime I asked to change the channel so I stopped going for about 3 months. Yesterday I walk in and was politely asked to get the fuck out. Reason given: " hey man if we let you in we're at over-capacity, and if the cops come in and do a headcount, we're fucked." How many people were at this bar? Not including the two other dudes I was rolling with, there was 11 people in the bar. Thousands of dollars were contributed to that little piece of shit place over the course of years, I've seen office parties and bands playing with hundreds of people. But 11 motherfuckers in there and they tell us it's full. I'd post the address of this piece of shit, but the owner never amounted to shit and I'm just patiently awaiting the inevitable train wreck. Some people aren't shit in this world. 

Oh and I told her I wouldn't release this. Then I think back to the irrelevant nonsense you started today, oh babe don't mind me, sorry in advance: I ain't getting anything for 2 weeks

Last but not least: All my thoughts on Obama is right here

Alright so I can't speak on much but here is everything I could talk about that went down this weekend: 

-A new level of alcoholism: I met someone this weekend who picked up a job he doesn't need, just so he'll be on the road and not tempted to touch alcohol. Insane. 

-A stripper put me into an Arm bar and forced me to tap out. 

- I make an appearance 8 minutes into this video: Video of me smashed out of my mind

-I ended up at this place called "Mussellman's lake" in the wee hours of Sunday morning, no way near Toronto. 

-There's nothing worse than a Colombian stripper who sounds like a Seal. Worst shit in the world.

-While trying to get into an empty condo where we could smoke up and chill, my boy called the kid's whose dad owned it. The kid said no. My boy called the kid's dad. His dad said yes. My boy then called the kid back and told him we're headed to the condo cause his dad said yes: most gangsta shit in the world.

- Over this weekend just doing a estimate I devoured over 12 pints, 30 Vodka and Cranberry Doubles, and about 20 Pineapple Juice and Vodka Doubles, and some nasty ass coors light, 4 gin and tonics, some Irish mist and over 6 spliffs. Yup, in full detox mode til the Long weekend in May.

-An Aussie accent with those Aussie hats could get you just about anything in this world.

- My mom on Saturday morning: " Holy crap you look and sound like shit." 

- I tipped this white girl a toonie ($2) and she took out half the shit on our tab and would repeatedly hook me up with insanely strong drinks. Love my white people. 

-Gilbert Melendez (wiki him) is one of the nicest and classiest people I've ever met.

-The bartender on Thursday looked like Rob Ford's twin, he also responded every time we called him Rob Ford.

-I met a lot of this weekend who came up to me and introduced themselves and told me they love my shit. Thanks but chances are I forgot about you.

-I had someone come up to me and told me they loved seeing me fight on the "W1 card." What the fuck?

I'm out peace.

My career path.

I been in school for 4 years now. I should graduate, but one summer I fucked around and spent 3 grand on alcohol and partying and had no loot so I'll be there for another semester. I'm starting to realize how useless it all is. I mean I got a triple minor for beginners, after 2008, triple minors don't even exist. I just tell people I'm an English major, I ain't major in nothing but vagina exploration. Basically, in order to get a minor you need 8 courses in that particular subject. So I took 24 courses I actually needed. I minored in history, english, and philosophy cause I can't do math for shit and everything requires math. These days you need majors to graduate but when I entered school all you needed was a triple minor.

So lets look at the numbers. I needed 24 courses to get all the shit that's mandatory. I need 40 courses to graduate. So for the last 2 years I been taken nonsense courses like water and wind. Like children's literature and detective fiction. But in the long run it isn't useless because you need that paper that said you went to school. So now I'm thinking about what I'm going to do with my life. Ideally I'd work for the government for 30 years and I know I could get in. That means sitting in a cubicle starting at 40k a year and playing online flash games and watching youtube videos all day. But I still need shit like a resume. I'm 22 years old and still never wrote a resume or a cover letter. The only time I needed one was for that Bullshit job at BMO and I used my cousin's shit for that.

So in December I'm done school and start working. I've spent the last 4 years of my life doing shit I'll never do again. Like analyzing Shakespeare and reading about Plato. But even if I were to get something practical, let's say marketing or math, those fields are so competitive I know dudes with math degrees cleaning banks and shit during the night. Back to my career path, I spent 4 years doing fuck all really because society told me I had to. Now I enter the work force and have to wear Dockers and golf shirts all fucking day while listening to people talk about how they found their kid smoking a "joint" and grounded them for 6 weeks. Then I have to deal with a boss, someone who will probably go "by the book" and time my bathroom visits and shit. Then every other Thursday I get my paycheck and  I see how much the government takes from me for bullshit like the Royal Wedding. Why am I mentioning all of this? because I have a sound solution. 

I know 4 girls whose father are millionaires. Rebecca, Lindsay, Britney, and Isha. I wonder if Isha would let me have any of that loot, paki people are cheap as shit. Ya there's no country for me in her world, scratch the last name out, I got Rebecca, Lindsay and Britney. Rebecca, let's look at it for a minute. Your pops is so loaded you never have to work a day in your life. Even though your half white, I'll convert to Islam or whatever the fuck you want me to convert to. I'll sweep the house, scrub the bathroom, give you the best sex ever and I won't even use all that money. Just share the loot honey, you can be the independent woman that Beyonce always talks about. 

If that don't work, how about you Lindsay. You always say " I'd be with you forever," why don't we put this theory to test. I'm willing to stay with you forever all I ask for is that you manage the household. We both know when you apply yourself you're smart. But then you do this with your spare time: What Lindsay does on her spare time and you kind of lose the plot. However, your pops is rich and I don't think you'll get another dude in this world to make you laugh the way I do. Fair trade no? I make you laugh, you take me under your wing financially for the rest of our lives.

Finally there's Britney. The girl studying pre-med who is also a model. Your dad is worth more than anyone I know. You're about the only girl I know that could get anything she wants. How about you take me, I give you 4 kids and raise them while you're a doctor. Your friend and I have discovered you have some autistic tendencies (I'll explain later) so I can't see any dude sticking with you for long. How about you and I stick together forever, you really can't do worse so why not see what rock bottom feels like. 

One of y'all please say yes. Oh and if anyone wants to get angry at me, I chose today to ask these questions because tomorrow and Friday are roadrages then UFC on saturday. Thus I won't be around except during the day when everyone has school, so try finding me :) Peace.

Collection of RAT (Random Ass Thoughts)

Don't mind me I just finished an exam and my brain is fried and I'm ready to hit the bed, in that deep mood for no real reason, here are some thoughts that slipped my mind today. Oh and I'm not talking about anyone in particular nor am I suffering from depression LMAO, I like to think out-loud so hold the emails if you think I'm suicidal or something's wrong, leave me alone I'm making art.

- The world is filled with people who need to consistently make themselves believe that they are relevant in this world. They do so by reinforcing every seemingly correct move they make. The reinforcement gets so strong they no longer see the wrong moves they make, or they mask it with " I learn from my mistakes.." Think about over the course of the day, how many times you hear people say or insinuate " I was right." in comparison to how many times you hear people say " I was wrong." 

- Self-deception is the world's greatest drug.

- " I'm straight like 9:15" - Best line I heard all day. 

- I'd like to personally thank all the people who told me " You'll Understand When You're a Parent." I'm not a parent but I'm starting to understand....Fuck y'all for being right.

- If I die tomorrow I'd die with a fistful of regrets, things I wish I could change. Deep down, I'm glad changing it isn't an option.

-The world is a stock market where people are trying to raise their value through materialism, failing to see that the only thing that could possibly raise your value comes from within: contentment. When we give up the ideology that we have to become better than everyone else, only then do we become better than everyone else.

- Cancer and aids aren't the things that are killing us. Productivity and Efficiency are...

-The greatest thing I ever read: http://www.angelfire.com/tn/plath/present.html

-The latest headline on Yahoo reads: "How Kim Kardashian Keeps Her Curves." Yup, Jesus died for y'all for reasons like that. 

-In an idealistic world, I'm choose to be myself.

-Golf is technically the world's most dangerous sport, I'm not even lying. 

-The hardest task ever in this world: Looking in the mirror and realizing there's nothing wrong.

-Doritos Cool Ranch isn't so bad after all.

- If I had the choice between death, or a life with pre-determined amount of tomatoes, olives, or lettuce with every meal, I'm 100% certain I'd take death. 

-The best thing about growing up in poverty: Rice and butter. 

-Those bread rolls from Swiss Chalet seriously make a difference in my life. 

-I'd give a kidney to see Freddie Mercury and Will.I.Am. trade places.

-People now find outlets to feeling better about themselves by reading motivational quotes by other people....I'm going to run this world in a few years.

Alright I'm out. Peace.

Things That Make Me Say What The Fuck

I got 34 minutes to fire this one off before I got to do shit for the Nuggets/Thunder game so here goes a quick one. Today I'm watching news and I just kept saying " What the Fuck" over and over and over. Like being in complete awe at some of people's actions. Here are some things over the course of time that has made me say what the fuck. Oh before I got into it, check this email I got after I texted her a drunk email LMAO:

"I hope you had a great time buttt you might need to translate what you sent in this message, i understood hmm certain parts of it after i sat down and analyzed what you might have meant but I still need some help with it." 

hahahahahahaahahahaha real tears, the email went along something like this " htwjkjwakj wejwejkwejkw"

1) The Lady on the news who took a day off for the Royal Wedding.

What benefit does this give you. She said she'd lose a day's wage for the Royal Wedding. Will this make you happier? Seeing 2 fucked up people who were probably cousins get married. Spending over 64 million and probably having the most boring missionary sex for the rest of their lives. You lost a day's wage to witness this shit, what the fuck. 

2) People who eat Nutella. 

The fuck is wrong with y'all. That shit is chocolate on toast. I don't give a fuck what the nutritional facts label says, that shit is going to cause cancer and aids and everything else. My brother lives off this shit, it's chocolate that you're supposed to put on toast, what the fuck. 

3) People who bitch about world hunger.

A few weeks back I just finished a meeting and I got Teriyaki from one of those food court malls because I was starving. Now these re those places where they give you a shitload of rice. I eat what I can but I had a shitload of white rice left cause that shit causes all sorts of diseases so I tossed it. There's a lady at the trash can telling me about world hunger. Listen you heaux, World Hunger is because of irresponsible governments who are fucking around. There are enough resources in this world to feed everyone. In Africa where those children are starving, there are people who neglect to feed them poor kids. General Electric recently got a 3.2 billion dollar tax return from the government, leave me the fuck alone and bother someone else. Don't impose your will on my life, I'll waste all the fucking food I want to, it's my money, I paid for it, and the world has no problems of food shortages, they have a problem with economic manupulation. 

4) People who still fuck with Snoop Dogg:

Snoop Dogg's latest song. Fucking pathetic. 

5) Girls who say they don't fart.

Nigga please, you'd die, drop it. I've met girls who have convinced themselves they have never farted. " Oh I may have farted when I was 8 years old but since then I can't remember it. I burp a lot." The thing is, they were dead ass serious like in their heads they have never farted. Twisted and wrong, everyone does it you faggots. 

6) People in culinary school.

I've watched a few shows and know a few people in their. One pretty standard assignment is to eat a pig or cow or some shit, cooked well done etc. Their job is to guess what the animal ate before death. Dead ass serious if you could tell then the meat was done proper. What the fuck.

7) People who addicted to cigarettes.

Don't you see the pictures of people's lungs and shit on that package, how the fuck can y'all still smoke a pack a day knowing that in a few years your insides look like that.

8) People who ride smart cars.

The fuck wrong with you twisted motherfuckers. Y'all look like ass and won't accomplish anything in life. 

9) Jared the Subway guy.

This motherfucker, and others claim to lose weight after eating Subway daily. Everything on that motherfucking menu, all those 6 grams of fat options taste like ass. The only things worth buying is the Meatball Sub, Cheesesteak, Pizza Sub, or BBQ Ribs. All that shit is well over 1000 cals, if you eating Veggie Delights daily from Subway then you're a loser in life. 

10) The folks that threaten suicide.

If you're going to do it, don't just talk about it. Do it. Get up on the ledge and jump. No one gives a fuck about you if you're just going to consistently talk about it. Real folks say fuck that, get up on the bridge and jump. I know someone threatening to run his car into a truck everyday. If you were really going to do it, it would have been done already. So do it or shut the fuck up, pussy.

10 minutes to spare, Peace.

Dining With White People 101

Today I had the pleasure of eating a meal with white people. Trust me you low life niggas, they live the good life. If you want them to love you, which means they'll buy you materialistic shit you don't need but will probably make you feel good, then you have to know how to act. Getting into the inner circle of white folks is the best thing for us black people man they got it all, here's how you do it.

Know what a "serviette" is:

Man this old white lady asked me to pass her a serviette. I've never heard this word in my life. I'm thinking serviette, something to do with service. A fork and knife do great service so I pass her a fork, knife and spoon. She just blankstared me for about 10 seconds then said: " Sorry, I meant  napkin dear." Fuck I almost fucked it up but I don't speak french so she understood. Serviette, understand what that shit means. 

Realize that white people say "Oh for heavens sake." and it don't mean they're angry.

They kept saying it and I kept wondering why the fuck are these white people so angry for. They aren't it's just there way of communicating anything. "Oh for heavens sake" in white people language means " Laugh my ass off" in our language. 

Get in with the older one first and you're good to go. 

It's a known fact, they'll act different around you. Like they're trying to accommodate you but you got to understand, they don't communicate with us much so it ends up being like an elephant in the room. White people, when last you had a black person in your crib?...exactly. So you have to make them comfortable. You do this but talking to the oldest person first. She/he is your big ticket, you get in with that person then the whole family accepts you. For example I said: "Damn, you 82 years old, I bet you have a sex tape floating around since the 50s, can I see it? " Man this white lady laughed so hard she started hyperventilating. After that I couldn't get these people to stop serving me, it was great. 

Give up, don't make yourself look like an ass:

We're from the hood, we don't eat Lobster. They also had London Broil, I don't eat that stuff, I maybe have had 2 steaks in my life, I'm that black its strictly fried chicken or caribbean food. But man Lobster and London Broil is the hardest shit to eat. They clued on and they did all the work, shorty got all that lobster meat for me, didn't even have to work. As for the London Broil shit, it's alright if you like rich people food but I didn't care for it, took hours to cut so I just kinda threw it away when I went to get seconds. Those potatoes tho...heaven. 

Display your knowledge of all things white people like: 

Talk bout the following topics: Politics, Hockey, Golf, Reese Whiterspoon, crime, financial investments, Bryan Adams, Leann Rimes, Shawshank Redemption, traveling and Shania Twain, Academy Awards and Desperate Housewives.  They'll love you for it.

At the end of the day:

They're fucking weird. But they spend spend spend. Man that girl's mom hooked me up with so much leftovers, booze that they never opened and cookies, I'm good for a long ass time. They're weird alienated people but deep down they're like everyone else, they just haven't showed it in a long time. Don't be ignorant and you could get the good shit too. I've cemented my way onto the Christmas list while you niggas out here waking up on Christmas getting oversized t-shirts from Walmart clearance racks I'm getting expensive meals, liquor and shit you see on tv that you always wanted but can't justify the cost. Like a mini-fridge or a non stick frying pan. 

I'm out. Peace. By the way I stopped editing shit so if you're affected by mis-spelling or fucked up grammar then I suggest you do what this man did: Man takes control of his life.